This is a post of RAGE. You have been warned.

[laliandra]

Today I went to a football match with my boyfriend. I've done this quite a few times and always have a great time. I love football, I love live sport, I love people being FANS and PASSIONATE. I even love the stupid songs. 

It is in no way a perfect experience. Although things are much improved in English football there is stuff you have to be prepared for, lots of swearing and people calling the referee a wanker and so on. Some violent language in the songs. That kind of thing. I've never seen a fight.

But, today. Oh, today.

The horribleness starts with a player called Marlon King. He was tried and convicted for rape. Recently he tried to get his conviction overturned. The judge said that the evidence against him was "damning". Coventry City still signed him. Which. I don't even know where to start with that. My boyfriend has supported Coventry all his life, pretty much, and was telling me about how the new chairman was talking about making it a family club and so on. Which. God. It's so fucking hypocritical I can't even comprehend it.

Anyway, so today, every time King got the ball all of the opposition supporters booed. Which frankly I support. But then they started singing (to the tune of Kumbyyah) "She said no, Marlon, she said no" etcetc. Which. Ugh. That's trivialising a horrific crime, right there. 

And then, because all that wasn't bad enough, and I'm sure there are people who can see where this is going but I did not, a group of Coventry supporters started singing "she said yes" back.

Really.

That really happened.

And I was sitting there shaking and, I didn't know what to do, I still don't. I don't know who to start with. WHo to yell at. Because maybe some of those people were doing ironically but that's terrible. That's disgusting. That's taking something that should never be trivialised and turning it into a joke. That's perpetuating the kind of thought process that makes juries not convict rapists because maybe the girl was drunk, maybe she went home with him, maybe she was wearing a short skirt. Maybe she wanted it.

Because I would money on some people not being so ironic. That they believe that consciously, not just in a subconscious conditioned way. That it doesn't matter that he raped some girl. Because he's a footballer, their best player, and so some girl is immaterial. Because women say no, but really they mean yes. 

I would put money on it.

Or maybe I want to yell at whatever person thought that Marlon King was a good deal because he's a talented player going cheap because no club with any kind of morals would hire him. That the possibility of winning a GAME was more important than a horrific and violent and most likely life destroying crime. 

That's genuinely disgusting. And I hope someone breaks both of his fucking legs, frankly, because he should never get a single clap or cheer. No kid should ever have a poster of him on their bedroom wall. He's not sorry, guys, he's still trying to get away with it. And I don't know what to do with all this rage I have. This is the atmosphere in football that means that footballers think it's okay to cheat on their pregnant wives. To beat people up. This is the climate in the sport that means that there are currently no openly gay footballers. Not a single one. And it make me SO ANGRY and UPSET. And I'm really sorry for unloading this on you guys, because I don't think there's much you can do about it either, and now you will be angry and upset too. So I'm sorry. 

It's just not good enough, and I don't know what to do to make it better. And I hope everyone involved learns to be ashamed of what they've done, because they should be. They really should be.

I am going to go read some soothing fic now. 

Comments

[cellophane_ria.livejournal.com]

Just, *hugs very tight*.
I just deleted a very long comment, I don't think I can say anything that would be constructive. God. :(

[laliandra.livejournal.com]

Thank you, lovely, and no, there's nothing much to say, but thank you for reading anyway, my love.

[vandulocity.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I wish this made me less mad because then maybe I would have something other than FUCKING RAGE dkjalf;fa;lkdjfalkdjsaj to type here, but urgh.

I just - sorry, but anyone convicted of rape needs to be kept away from any kind of influential position, ever. Congratulations, you ruined someone's life, you now get to be an office cleaner for the rest of yours. HAVING VERY WELL CO-ORDINATED FEET IS NOT A 'GET OUT OF JAIL FREE' CARD.

I am actually making stabbing motions in the air right now, I am THAT MAD. And I wasn't even THERE, christ. I don't know how you managed to restrain yourself from finding the nearest person chanting that and punching them in the goddamn face.

ARGH. I am sorry you had to deal with this, and I'm even sorrier that people like this get to exist.

[laliandra.livejournal.com]

RAGE IS FINE. Rage is good.

HAVING VERY WELL CO-ORDINATED FEET IS NOT A 'GET OUT OF JAIL FREE' CARD.

THIS. YES. EXACTLY. It's so absurd that the priorities of some people are so fucking SKEWED that they think it is...

THe rage, Van. The rage. I mostly just sat and shook because I am not going to start yelling at football hooligans. D:

I'M SORRY TOO. But I am okay.

[brimtoast.livejournal.com]

Don't be sorry for the post.

It's terrible, and half of what's terrible is that it isn't even sneaky, it isn't even a KKK meeting in some dark field somewhere because they don't want to admit to what they are. It is people in public, in a crowd, being so comfortable and okay with their bullshit harmful attitudes towards women that they make a fun little song out of it. And how do you fight back against that? You can't just expose them, because they are doing it in public and NOBODY IS EVEN TRYING TO STOP THEM. And it just makes you feel, so hard, how far away we are from something that should be so simple. Because when you're like "hey, who thinks women should be treated worse than men?" nobody raises their hand, and then they all sit around and feel great about living in a post-sexist world, and meanwhile there is this ugliness RIGHT IN THEIR FACES and they are laughing and smiling about it, and how do you FIGHT something that's INVISIBLE.

You should absolutely post about it. You should absolutely talk about your rage, and your disgust. Because that makes at least one person who was there today who saw it for what it is and who is not going to be silent about it. And that has to at least be better than zero.

[laliandra.livejournal.com]

I am thinking about it like this. Now no one can say, what have women got to complain about. Because now I have this, and I will mention to anyone who will listen, and no one will be able to say a fucking WORD. Because here it is, here is the example of the world we really live in, and it won't be invisible, it will be a target.

[azurelunatic]

Boo and hiss. I ... really, I'd like to personally slap the faces of every person who sang "she said yes".

[laliandra.livejournal.com]

That was pretty much my feeling, yes. I hope they come to realise what they are doing and feel like scum.

[anna-unfolding.livejournal.com]

Wow, Lal. This is...uh, timely. Because Rave has me knee deep into football fandom with her ridiculously real but romantic erotic Stevie/Xabi fics of anguish, and then her epic crossover, The District. I mean, all the players, from at least three teams, play roles in this fic (Liverpool, Barca, Real Madrid, and others). They are speech writers and interns and journalists and campaign managers and pollsters. They all interact as canonly as possible in an extreme American political West Wing pundit AU. And it's delightful. Brilliant. Fucking funny as hell. It's Rave, for fuck's sake. I'd read anything.

And yet.

Many of these boys masquerading as grown ups are delinquents, misogynists, idiots...and the footballer culture DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK. So then you have people scraping to get by blowing all their money on an overpriced jersey with the name of some total dickwad on it because he can score. Entitled, irresponsible, etc. etc. people. And it's a business, this situation.

I mean, what you are describing could happen here, too, with our own American football. Hell, it does. It does...although there is perhaps less cultural forgiving of crimes? IDK. I mean, pro basketball is just. FULL OF THIS SAME SHIT. And it makes you crazy enraged? ME TOO.

And yet.

Sports was my first fandom. I grew up taking the MUNI bus out to Hunter's Point to Candlestick Park to watch the 49ers play every other week. We had season tickets to the Giants (baseball) one summer, and I literally sat in the sunny stands, or foggy stands, and learned to keep score on a score sheet and memorized batting averages of my heroes. When I grew up, I found a Giants.com chat room where we discussed everything from the day's line-up to the pitching rotation to what colors are good luck for fans to wear to why LA can suck it. I'm an athlete, too. So it's in my blood to love this stuff.

And I don't know what to do about Rave's fics. I really don't. The jovial, hilarious, clueless, calculating, etc. ways she paints these players is..compelling and funny and romantic, alternately. But...are these men worthy of that kind and fun portrayal?? I know the Beckham's aren't. Steven Gerrard probably is. Rave inserts killer awesome women into the lives of these men, women that hold them accountable: ex wives, current wives, bosses, lobbyists, sisters, etc. (Recall the way she wrote Lily to Sirius and James in SBP.)

But irl? who is holding them accountable? No one.

Look. I even have an icon. Ugh.

[altogetherisi.livejournal.com]

Rage. But also, tears.

[laliandra.livejournal.com]

*clings*

[hanelissar.livejournal.com]

ffffffffffffff....

There aren't words. God so much rage and sadness, I want to scream in their stupid fucking faces. I am so, so sorry you had to sit through that, and sorrier for that poor woman and just UGH it is stuff like that which makes me feel justified in hating football, which is a terrible thought because it isn't the sport that's the problem it's the minority (I will believe it is a minority, I have to believe it's a minority) who play and support it and don't deserve the happiness that football gives them.

ILU. And thank you for this post, even though it's made me sad and angry. Because someone standing up against a wrong and pointing it out, even if it makes everyone depressed, is always the most important and best thing.

xxx

[laliandra.livejournal.com]

I do think it's a minority. I like football, although there is a LOT to hate about it. I wish it were different. BUt it was a small group of people, so, there's that.

It's just so awful, and I can't quite believe it. That poor woman. And he gets to be a hero.

Thank you, even though it is just anger and misery, but I think, now I have this, and I know that all the yelling is FOR something, because we still have so much to fight for, and we will.

[branquignole.livejournal.com]

Christ, that is- I don't even have words, I'm so shocked. This is what I hate about our society, that people can be in-your-face sexist because, you know, it is just some woman whose life that idiot destroyed, but he's that great football player. And GOD, I can't even say HOW OUTRAGEOUS it is what they are doing to that woman. That's like raping her all over again.

There's hardly anything you can do about this (which makes it even more horrible), but I love you for posting this. Speaking out about stuff like that is important and I admire you for being able to type out a coherent entry about this because I think I wouldn't be. UGH.

[laliandra.livejournal.com]

It's so appalling how OPEN and how carefree they were about it. It's just terrible. And it is, it's an outrage, and that poor woman, and he's being paid all this money and lauded by all these people. It's too awful.

I had a good few hours to stew on my RAAAAAAAAGE and thank you for your comment. *hugs*

[kaiserkuchen.livejournal.com]

I hope the soothing fic helped, because ugh what a horrible thing to have experienced. I've been thinking about what to write in reply to this and I keep drawing blanks. Because really, it is what you said yourself-- it's disgusting and despicable and UGH. It's just so depressing to be reminded that sometimes, and especially when it comes to men who might have a modicum of some sort of ~talent or ~gift, the rights and well-being of women who have been wronged or violated by said jackholes just don't mean shit.

[kaiserkuchen.livejournal.com]

I hope the soothing fic helped, because ugh what a horrible thing to have experienced. I've been thinking about what to write in reply to this and I keep drawing blanks. Because really, it is what you said yourself-- it's disgusting and despicable and UGH. It's just so depressing to be reminded that sometimes, and especially when it comes to men who might have a modicum of some sort of ~talent or ~gift, the rights and well-being of women who have been wronged or violated by said jackholes just don't mean shit.

[arkeiryn.livejournal.com]

It's probably a bit late to send you soothing thoughts, but I am doing so anyway! *soothe soothe soothe*

[aki-yasu.livejournal.com]

:( *HUGS. LOTS & LOTS OF THEM*