A Study in Contradictions

Look! I used my elite graphics skillz to make the poster that lc2l made me into an icon. I am not so good at this things, y'all. BUT WHATEVER LOOK IT IS MY LIFE MOTTO AHEM I MEAN THE MOTTO OF CONPEOPLE.

If I have seemed a little MIA it is because I went to babysit my grandmother for a week. She had an operation and has reached the stage where she is bored and trying to do to many things, and I was called in to use my special First Grandchild Powers to get her to sit down and relax.

I had a lovely time, my family are amazing and also crazy, but that's part of what makes them amazing.

Great aunt : [Friend] said she was going to pop in
but then she saw [lord of the local manor house, Old
Money, goes to their church) leaving and she said "well, if Pat (my Granny) wasn't
already tired out she will be now."
Granny: Quite what she thinks I'm doing with [said man] I do not know.
GA: He did come with cheque book in hand
Granny: And he knows I only take cash.

Also we had an awesome discussion about how wrong it is that there is no societal judgement on young men for having lots of sex whereas girls get called slags, and are usually the only ones who have to deal with the consequences and my Granny was like, well, unless the young man gets the clap.

Their house is slightly alarming because everywhere I looked Tiny!Lal looked back (but cutely, am I right?) but there was a charming cat who wished to be snuzzled all the time and took action if he felt he was being ignored.

Aaaaaaanyway, this post is actually a CARDS, CARDS, WHO WANTS CARDS post.

I'm finally starting to get excited for the festive season - though not as excited as Moog - which may be because I currently have four Christmases and a possible fandom meetup planned for it. I'm not a religious person but eeeee, carols and advent calenders and LIGHTS, LIGHTS EVERYWHERE.

SO! DO YOU WANT MAIL? SAY YES! I love sending out cards and random things to people. No reciprocation required.

I know I have addresses for some of you, if I have several you need to tell me which one you would like it sent to.

But everyone else, comment on this post with yours. If you don't want to share it with the world wide web then comment anonymously (just sign yourself out of LJ) and that will be screened for your protection and privacy! Or you can PM me orrr email me at muchadoaboutcogs at gmail. You can email me about other things too, obviously, but at the moment we are on post. Focus, self.

Also, if you would like any specific kind of card (Christmassy, Hanukkah-y, British-y, Fandom-y, Hogswatch-y, Sorry we killed Jesus-y) then tell me that too!

I'm sure I can get testimonials from people who have already given me their home deets that I have done nothing worse with it than sending them random flyers that I think are amusing.

Oh, and if you made a post about sending cards, I may have missed it, I probably missed it in fact, so please feel free to assume my answer is yes! (\kdjhgPOSTkdjhg) or link me to it.

Aaaand I think that's everything. How are you my beloveds? Today I ran out of Castle episodes and it was very sad, and I have to clean ALL THE THINGS because my bf's parents are coming up.

 Hey you guys!

I got a job! Let the rejoicing commence! A Real Person job where I get to speak French and everything. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I have been temping for about a year now and it sucks like a sucky thing, so VICTORY ARMS FOREVER I HAVE GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT.

I'm like, well, I don't have anything much to say to LJ, and yet I want to update. Huh. And then I remembered that, this being my journal and all, I can do as I wish!

Here is a random list of lists of things!

1." In Things I spend Too Much Time On The Internet Doing"

I have google analytics and I find it compulsively fascinating. Did y'all know that if you have a paid LJ account you can set up google analytics on it? Because I didn't until my corner of Inception fandom all seemed to discover it at once. It's SO COOL, OH MY GOD. There is stuff I'm not surprised by (that the entry that gets most hits is Say I'm The Only Bee In Your Bonnet, for example) but there is a lot of stuff I have discovered.

a) That the disparity between the number of people who read a fic and the number of people who comment is even bigger than I thought. I mean, I'm awful at commenting so I can't talk. It's so cool knowing that lots of people are reading my stories, though. I extend my blanket affection to you, lurkers, seeing as I can't thank you in a comment reply. Just to give you an idea of what I mean, SITOBIYB, which I wrote FOUR MONTHS AGO, HOLY CRAP, still got 89 pageviews last week. No comments! 

Which is sort of related to 

b) How much traffic I owe bookshop and pyrimidine . Reccing really works, you guys. Also <3DELCIOUS<3

c) Live search is terrible. I mean, I already had my suspicions about this but really. One of the things that you can do with google analytics is see what search terms people used to get to your journal. Oh, the hilarity! But yes, all the people wo stumble here searching for things completely unrelated to my journal or things that have been mentioned once (Rhys Ifans, anyone?) have all come from Live Search. I mean, one person landed up here after just searching the word "meme". I MEAN WHAT. I don't even know how many pages you'd have to go through on google before you got to me from that. My keyword searches are not anywhere near as terrible and amazing as cherrybina 's though ("rimming the pink sock" is a personal favourite) but they do amuse me. Also, one person searched for "laliandra" but clicked straight away from this journal. As far as I can tell, I made this name up and I'm the only one out here. So. What were they looking for?

d) I can spend about ten minutes looking at the really in depth statistics before I get really freaked out about how GOOGLE SEES ALL. O_O.

2. In "Delightful Things My Friends From The Internet Have Brought Me This Week" 

Twitter Hashtag of the Week - #fishpile - referring to the mass tackle glompingsnugglehug affection of the marmalade_fish . There is always a #fishpile going on. The mood and location may change, but the pile is perpetual. Mass second place to mcollinknight and her Darren Criss tags of WIN.

Text Message of the Week -  "Do you know where the Charlie Brooker RPF is?" That was the whole thing! Best. Ever.

Unintentional IM Typo of The Week - shiningartifact for "hunky-dorky" . I plan to use this ALL THE TIME. So adorable! 

Best Email Subject Line - "lol porn"

3. In "Things My Dad brought me because he is going to Sout Africa indefinitely"

a) His old laptop which is about a hundred times faster than mine and I am very fond of already. It is the same make as my beloved but o so broken Precious, so I already know my way around and it means I can have all my things in one place \o/ The only issue is that the "h" key sometimes doesn't work so I see a lot of "te"s in my future. 

b) Food that my Granny and Great Aunt won't eat because they are diabetic: 2 boxes of chocolates, 2 boxes of biscuits, half a packet of mini eggs, a candy cane, a sherbet lollipop. 

c) A selection of bead necklaces and scarves from Granny because I once asked her if she had any in the charity shop that she works in and now she appears to hoard every one that they get. I am okay with this, especially because I've got a fabulous multicoloured ribbon and bead necklace and a bottle green pashmina, among other things. There are a couple that I am not so fond of so if anyone is after a thin scarf or bright string of beads, let me know.

d) My old collection of paper dolls. I'm not really sure what to do with them but they are so pretty, OMG. PAPER DOLLS FOREVER.

4. In "Seriously people, JFGI" 

YOU GUYS, PODFIC IS AMAZING. IF YOU WANT TO FIND SOME, GOOGLE THE WORD "PODFIC", CLICK ON THE ~FIRST LINK, PROFIT. If you want recs, ask! Otherwise *points upwards*

5. In "Things I Didn't Expect To Write This Week"
1000 words of comment fic about beaches and people expressing affection by throwing things at each other. Well. I possibly should have seen the last one coming. 

473 words of the fic I've been writing for the last year-and-a-bit.

So, there we are! How are you guys? Well? How are tricks? Tricky?

So, I am now a working girl.

No, wait.

I am a Person with a job and a title and everything. It is European Relations Executive. Most people I know's reaction can be summed up as such

.... AHAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway, SOME people were slightly less hysterically amused and decidedly more awesome. Like kaiserkuchen , who drew me AN AWESOME PICTURE OF AWESOMENESS.

( Srsly! )

!!! Hi Kris hi!

And by some fluke, she drew Kris sitting on an EXACT COPY OF MY CHAIR AT WORK. Look at his adorable PLAID TROUSERS AND EXPRESSION OF SRS BNS. This means I should add Sexy Librarian Kris AU to my List of Things To Write List*, right?!



You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when!?" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

If you like, copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out.

You guys feel free to ask for further explanation or anything you have ever wanted to know!

FIRST NAME: Lal! Well, not really. But really! I guess half of you know my real name by now, but I really love being Laliandra, it's so pretty.


AGE: 22. Mmm, symmetry.


LOCATION: In front of my laptop, my far too cold attic bedroom, my delightfully multicoloured house, my cobbled street, my city, The Frozen North, En-ger-land.


OCCUPATION: I actually have one of these now! I translate and write blurbs about perfume (it is hard to resist being passive aggressively bitchy about Paris Hilton's perfume) and put things in boxes and tell people where their stuff is (usually where it is supposed to be). I have to get up CRAZY early, and get the bus to work. But the people I work with are cool and put up with me saying things like "OMG Anderson Cooper's mother has her own perfume!" and "Oh damn, I shoulda used the subjunctive there. Want to know something cool about the subjunctive?"


PARTNER: Is a word I dislike. Unless you use it for Partner In Crime. I do have a boyfriend, who goes by the name of Nat round here, and we have been going out longer than we both like to admit. Luckily we are both really conflicted about being romantic! <s>He makes me smile</s>


KIDS: They're great! I genuinely like children and have the Gift when it comes to making babies smile. I used to be a children's party entertainer. But oh god, not for MANY years. I want to do a lot of unchild-friendly things first!


BROTHERS/SISTERS: Nope! Make sweeping only child statements AT YOUR PERIL.

PETS: Sadly not. I have had many over the years, but uni life is not for pets. Me and Sal very nearly bought a kitten last year. We really shouldn't be left alone with fluffy things...


LIST THE 3/5 BIGGEST THINGS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE:
@ My new job
@ Organising meet ups with various peoples
@ Planning going to see my Dad in South Africa and catching some sun and some Test Matches there, too.
@ My WIP/ Things to Write List**
@ Trying to get my bed mended (lame but important! It could fall apart under IN MY SLEEP)

PARENTS: My parents met at my Dad's birthday party. He was dressed as a chorister and my Mum thought he was gay (Drama student, you see). The next party was thrown my Granny (Dad's Mum) and was a tarts and vicars theme with a genuine priest and a genuine prostitute. Granny was the Madam. This should probably tell you all you need to know about my family. My Dad is tall and has distinguished grey streaks in his hair. He writes adverts for a living, or he does occasionally, mostly now he bums around South Africa. He is a great cook and a hopeless speller. He is obsessed with penguins. Both my parents had South African fathers and non SA mothers. My Mum was a bluecoat and when she was 20ish ran away to Spain to become a go-go dancer and when that didn't work out she sold her own blood to buy her ticket home. She used to leave me notes everywhere. She was madly in love with David Bowie and Stephen Fry. She worked in marketing, so I think about advertising more than is normal, I fear. She never forgave me for not growing one shoe size more so that she could steal my shoes like she stole my jackets. I stole right back, of course.


WHO ARE SOME OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS? Well, like C, I think I have separate groups. I have the friends I went to school with (one of whom is getting MARRIED in less than a year!). They are mostly silly, darling, spectacularly geeky boys, apart from Cat and Lil. Who are still silly, darling and geeky, but also very foxy ladies. I've known them all a long time. We have History. We mostly keep in contact by phone and Facebook these days, but I'm still glad I have them.

Then I have my uni friends. Apart from a couple of people, they have all sadly upped sticks and moved South. Apart from Nat and Elliot, and I'm keeping a careful eye on them! Anyway, most of my unii friends are marvellous, smart, funny and girls. I lived with 3 amazing ladies while at uni, and I miss them so badly! I need people to watch Strictly Come Dancing with, talk literature with, discuss our invisible friends and Gaudi and Falafel, our imaginary goldfish, with... But I'm going to see them all in London soon!

And then I have you guys! I have my fabulous spammers, I have Kaz to text me 7 times in one hour about Adam Lambert. I have the Marmfish (seriously, people, MEETUP?!). I have the lovely C to drag into fandoms with me. I have my Campfire ladies, who are so marvellous I have no words. OHTEATHREE, OKAY? I have some dear friends who I chat with through the internet and I'm happier for it.

So, OMG, that got much longer than expected! As a reward, footly bits aka footnotes.

* The List - Lessons in cookery for TDL marmfish, Something Royal-y for Havemercy peeps, Love is Not a Zero Sum Game or Venn Diagrams are fun!, A Beginners Guide to Bromancing, Sexy Librarian AU ;), More Postcards from Nowhere, More NbNW.
** - WIPs - Kradam talk food, game shows and ninja-ness for Kaz, YULETIDE, SPAU,

Snippets and explanations given freely and with love to anyone who asks. You made it this far, you deserve a reward!