Drabbles Part 1
Aug. 18th, 2008 07:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
laliandraDraco had used to quite enjoy lying, the challenge of seeing what he could make people believe, if he could twist the truth to his own advantage. It had been an amusement and a bonus if he succeeded. But now it was not a game, it was survival, lying had become his life and he did it to stay living.
There were the small lies, telling Mother he was fine, telling Father he wasn’t afraid, everyday untruths that could be hidden with just a smile and an open expression. Then there were bigger ones that had to be disguised with subtlety and Occulemency. Like how he had assured Aunt Bella he felt nothing but contempt for the Lovegood girl as she tried in vain not to scream, or dismissed Pettigrew confidently even as he tried not to vomit as he opened his mouth to say ‘Crucio!’
Then today, the most terrifying lie of all, standing in front of the Dark Lord and saying “No, my Lord” when asked “Do you know how the prisoners escaped their bonds?” He had filled his mind with fear and servitude, defending himself with it, all the time hiding the truth behind layers of thoughts of family devotion and schoolboy hatred, shielding that memory of carefully dropping a nail onto a stone floor.
There was no-one to tell, no one to let his guard down around, so this evening he had come alone far into the grounds,
“It was me, it was as much as I could do and it was too much and it wasn’t enough. I’m tired and sick and scared,” he whispered, feeling the truth lift the weight of it all for a few seconds. Then he squared his shoulders and turned back towards the house, lost in shadows and drowning in darkness
The first time Narcissa went to see her sister Andromeda slammed the door in her face.
The second time she stood and hammered on the door until Andromeda opened it, wearing the look that even Bella had feared when they were younger.
“You’re keeping the baby awake. What can you possibly have to say? Your husband was of one those monsters who took my Ted and D-Dora and there's nothing you can say that can ever change that.” Then she shut the door firmly.
The third time Narcissa just knocked and stood there waiting until she heard Andromeda come to the other side.
“I know you’re there Andy, and I know you hate me, and I know I can’t bring them back, though I wish I could. But, I just wanted to say, I understand. They’ve taken Lucius to Azkaban, and Draco...” She swallowed, calling on all her Black pride to keep herself together.
“He’s locked himself up, he won’t talk to me or even open the door, not even in the night when he wakes up screaming. I’ve lost them both, just like you,” she finished, her voice finally cracking and the world hazed up with tears.
The door opened a crack and Andromeda’s voice hissed out, terrifying in its utter coldness “ My husband and daughter are dead, just for being themselves, for being good and brave, and now I must suffer just for loving them. But you, you brought this on yourself, Narcissa, with your greed and your absurd, blind ambition. And that is your punishment, knowing your son is lost to you, and there’s no one to blame but yourself.”
The door shut her sister away from her again, and Narcissa was alone.
What Astoria wanted to do as soon as Professor Sprout turned away from them was to ask her new partner about a million and seven questions, but years of pointed looks and careful instruction from her mother meant that what she actually did was hold out her hand and say,
“Hello. I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m…”
“I know who you are.” A half smile softened that pale angular face “funny, that’s usually the response I get to my ultra polite introduction.”
“Well of course I know who you are, you’re a friend of Daphne’s. She told me all about you.”
“It’s been a while since my reputation, which has an unfortunate habit of proceeding me, has been for being someone’s friend.” He held up his arm, with his shirt sleeves rolled up the Mark was visible, even under all the dirt. “ It’s usually ‘Draco Malfoy, Death Eater.’” Without thinking Astoria took his wrist and examined the faded black skull, completely fascinated, she had never seen one this close up except in books and newspapers. Then she realised what she was doing and looked up quickly, about to apologise for stealing his arm, but Draco didn’t look cross, just slightly confused and almost relieved.
“You are such a hopeless Ravenclaw,” he sighed.
“You make that sound like it’s a bad thing” she returned, to which Draco merely raised his eyebrows.
“Is that the legendary Malfoy wit Daphne told me so much about? I’m very disappointed.” And the almost gentle way he removing her hand from his arm didn’t seem very ruthless or dismissive or any of the things she had expected, had seen, from Death Eaters. He was a puzzle, and there was nothing Astoria liked more than to try and find solutions to riddles and enigmas.
“She said you were smart enough to think of a put down for every situation and arrogant enough to say them.”
“Well, spending a year in mortal terror and another half on formal trial and entirely on trial by the public has left my sense of self worth somewhat dulled” Draco drawled, though Astoria could hear the weariness in his voice despite all the affected nonchalance.
She tried to think of a way to vocalise all the thoughts that were whirling through her mind and she frowned with concentration.
“This is more familiar, grimaces and silence, now you’ve remembered that I am, in fact, one of those evil Dark Wizards Mummy warned you about” Draco spat out.
Now it was Astoria’s turn to snap, “You don’t know me, so don’t presume to know what I’m thinking. You may be an arrogant arse with pureblood prejudices and Merlin knows you were bloody stupid, but I certainly don’t think you’re evil.”
“Why ever not? I may not have been convicted but there’s no denying I was in the service of The Da… Of Voldemort” he finished, pushing the last word past years of conditioning.
“I’m not sure what you are but I’ve seen evil, and you’re not it. Anyway, Daphne said you were a bit of a wuss really, and she always knows these things.”
Draco stared at her with disbelieving eyes for a moment then smiled, a real smile that made Astoria suddenly, horribly conscious of the fact that she was covered in soil from digging up parsnips and had an ink spot on her cheek.
“Oh, Daph, I do miss her. Always one to speak her mind. That’s rather rare in a Slytherin, we tend to be more of the political truth nature.”
“You mean scheming madams like that Pansy Parkinson. She came to stay at ours a few times and she was always trying to get Daph involved in some nastiness against other girls or Harry Potter and his lot and she tried to turn Daph against me and I’ve just remembered she was your girlfriend. I’m so sorry, Mother says my brain goes too fast even for itself.”
“Don’t worry, it wasn’t a serious relationship. She lost interest pretty quickly once Father fell out of favour, and I stopped paying her so much attention. So I suspect that your assessment is pretty much correct.”
“I always suspected she was rather insecure, her sister Poppy is absolutely beautiful, and Pansy is very plain.” Memories of pointed glances followed by vicious giggles made her put rather more venom into the last two words than she had intended, and Draco looked mildly amused.
“They say that all bullies were bullied themselves, that’s why they do it, to try and make themselves feel less insecure,” she added, her voice suddenly quiet.
Draco shifted uncomfortably and focused on his hands as they made furrows in the soil. “Perhaps.” he muttered, then shook his head and said sharply
“I won’t have you feeling sorry for me. It was bad enough to having pity from Potter, I can’t stand any more. People died because of me and I thought it wouldn’t matter, that they didn’t matter, but they did. And yes I was young and yes I was stupid but it doesn’t excuse what I did so don’t you even dare feel sorry for me.”
Astoria knew that they had both been raised to neatly suppress unwanted emotions, to always be in control of one’s self. She had always found it difficult, but Daphne had excelled, and she had said Draco Malfoy was even better, that she envied the way he could only think of himself and be almost unconscious in his dismissal of the feelings of others and any unwanted sentiments such as guilt. So Astoria knew that to hear him say all that with a hiss of anger in his voice and a slight tremble in his hands was like hearing an ordinary person scream and shout. The walls he had so carefully built in his mind had been torn down, and it made her shiver to think what that might be like.
“I’m not pitying you, you idiot. You’re right; you shouldn’t have done lots of the things you did. But I still don’t think you’re a bad person, and that they were right not to convict you. And I’m a Ravenclaw so you can be sure I’ve given it a lot of thought and whatever conclusion I come to is correct.”
She let a note of seriousness back into her voice.
“I don’t know the full story, but I know that if you want other people to think more of you than your past mistakes, you’re going to have to do the same.”
There was nothing but methodical planting for a few moments but Astoria felt the silence shift from apprehensive to something almost companionable, she decided to let Draco choose when to break it, and smiled to herself when she heard him clear his throat.
“You are a puzzle Miss Greengrass. You’ve managed to coerce me into revealing all sort of things about myself which I would normally never dream of letting anyone know. Are you sure you’re not a Slytherin?” he said lightly, standing up and brushing his robes.
“I’m going to take that as a compliment, though it’s a backhanded one if it is.” Astoria replied, taking his proffered hand with a look that had more than a hint of mischief in it.
“Oh you’re about compliments are you? Well then, may I add that I’m very pleased I chose this year to take my NEWTS?”
“You’re just saying that because if you’d done them last year you might have ended up with Luna Lovegood going on about nargles.” Astoria hoped against hope she wasn’t going red, but risked looking straight at him and smiling broadly and was rewarded when slowly, almost rustily, Draco started to laugh.
“Do you have any idea what you risk with your engagement to this boy? After all these years we’ve finally been accepted back into wizarding society and now you have to remind people of our former unsavoury associations. Draco Malfoy, I mean, practically his whole family were notorious Death Eaters. The rumours are that he took the Mark himself!”
“Mother, please, are we to be judged on the things we did when we were 16? I fear none of us would come out well by that assessment.”
“There is gossip, people are talking, Astoria, remembering how we were friends with families with Dark leanings, talk of how we took an extended holiday with your father’s relations in America and shied away from the War. That boy brings nothing but trouble, he was on the Dark side, you cannot want people to think you agree with what You-Know-Who did, not to mention the things people say your fiancée did in his service.”
She tried to swallow the anger, fighting against the memories of the whispering and staring.
“Who cares about these people you keep referring to? What gives them the right to judge us, or him? Honestly, the way people talk now, they try and make out that every one of their parents or grandparents was a member of the Order or the DA or some secret resistance and it wasn’t like that. Most people were just trying to live their lives. Draco was never given that option, he was forced to choose and he chose wrongly. He was young and scared and stupid. And he has to confront that every day and yet somehow he manages to, and to be a better man for it, and I love him for that. And ‘people’ will have to deal with that.”
They had decided to celebrate, so there had been drinking, then more drinking, and then someone, Draco couldn’t remember who, had proposed toasts. Padma had just raised her glass to “Objective journalism” and now Maddy Fletcher was standing up, slightly unsteadily
“To the best colleagues, who have become good friends” she smiled.
“To the um, combination of different assets” said Susan, which caused several people to laugh and Draco to remember her speech at the end of the first meeting
“… I really think that by combining Gryffindor pigheadedness, Ravenclaw obsessive ness, Slytherin plotting and Hufflepuff diligence, oh Ok, grinding, we could actually create a viable alternative to The Prophet and Quibbler….”
He was jolted back to the present by a hand on his elbow and Astoria’s laughing voice saying “Wake up dear, its your turn. Toast one of life’s marvels!”
Draco had absolutely no idea what to say, and clearly showed the uncertainty he felt because Astoria ran her hand slowly down his arm and slipped her hand encouragingly into his. He realised that she had just run her fingers over his Dark Mark as naturally as she would any part of him, and try as he might he couldn’t keep the radiant smile off his face as he stood and said
"To true love. Accept no substitute."
It's quite a telling series of prompts I think, when you see them grouped together like that. There will almost certainly be more...
Also, I'm an Olympics addict. But I fear that my re-re-re-reading of Havemercy and forays into slash have affected my brain, when some British rowers won gold one of them leaned back into the arms of another and said "I love you". Should I be imagining kissing on the podium, true love between sportsmen? Can you ship random people?!
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Re: Here via sq_drabblers
Date: 2008-09-05 12:37 am (UTC)Nice icon too!
no subject
Date: 2008-09-16 03:21 pm (UTC)